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Jun. 15th, 2008

Blogging elsewhere for now.

Day 6

Today was mellow. Cravings seem to be on the downswing. Pancake fantasies at a minimum.

Breakfast: coffee and a handful of nuts

Lunch: huge omelet with lots of veggies and soy cheese. Avocado and salsa on top.

Dinner: steamed snowpeas and broccoli with lemon, quinoa, broiled portabella mushroom

Snack: Popcorn!

JD and I are highly addicted to the TV series 24 right now. Does this have to do with sugar/wheat/dairy deprivation? We watched all four (!!!) episodes last night on our latest Netflix disc. The next disc won't arrive here fast enough. When this was on TV, how did people ever get through the week to make it to the next episode?? Ok... I hate talking about TV even if it's related possibly related to this diet via addiction/cravings.

Tomorrow: LAST DAY!

Tags:

Night 5

So much for that light-on-the-toes, moonwalking sensation. I'm exhausted. Is it from the cleanse?

I went to Dr. Hotra today (her real name's Batra but she's definitely Hotra) for the routine annual exam that 'all women must have' and which I've already canceled twice and pushed out a good six months with lame excuses when really it just comes down to pure, icy cold dread. Anyway, I finally made it in there and Dr. Hotra said my blood pressure is low but not too low. I feel smug about this because I eat lots of salt, in fact I've been having a passionate love affair with salt for years and my blood sugar is always low. I like to tell people this when they judge my salt intake and start the old watch-your-salt speech. "So what happens if it gets too low," I ask Hotra. "You get dizzy when you stand up. Things like that." A-ha! Does that just happen to me? I thought it happened to everyone. It's a good thing I eat so much salt. It probably raises my blood pressure just enough so I can walk without falling over sideways from the low-pressure spins.

Dr. Hotra is Jewish. My favorite. She has long brown curls and hazel eyes that pierce you straight through. She wears a white doctor jacket and this makes her extra hot. I started getting all freaked out in the exam room but then I had a brilliant idea. I pretended I was JD and sexualized my gynecologist. Although I appreciated Dr. Hotra's hotness the whole time, the whole sexualization thing didn't work when I was just me--I was too nervous and freaked out by the impending exam--but once I pretended I was JD, I felt better immediately. "This is going to be kind of hot," the JD-me thought. "This is going to be kind of FUN." Of course, this persona was so far from my own that it took my mind off of things just concentrating on really trying to play this role and I didn't really get to the next stage of for-real sexualization. And I wasn't able to keep my internal charade up for long. However lying down with that thin doctor's table paper crinkling under me feeling 100% vulnerable, humiliated, violated and ridiculous, I really appreciated the paper bird mobile hanging on the ceiling just above my head. There were three birds, different colors, slowly spinning in a serene dreamlike fashion. It was kind of hypnotic even though I probably would've left my body without the birds' help. Still, I was very grateful for them during those 3-5 awful moments. I was also grateful to the half pill of Klonipin I took an hour before.

This is way off topic from my cleanse. How did that happen?

Cleanse:
Breakfast: Coffee
Lunch: Black beans with salsa mixed in and melted soy cheese on top, plus a few chips
Dinner: Score! At Trader Joe's today, I found a Wildwood tofu/veggie burger with no wheat gluten or sugar. I grilled it and topped it with guacamole, lettuce, tomato and melted soy cheese. It was good! Also had some brussel sprouts which were not so good, mainly because I over cooked them and tried to make soy cheese sauce to pour over them (baaaaad idea).

Only two more days left.

Day 5

I recommend a cleanse or fast for any person who prefers being in their mind rather than their body. I'm way more comfortable being in my head but this diet is forcing me to be more aware of my body, to be more in my body. I feel much lighter without sugar/wheat/dairy. I definitely have more energy. My body absolutely feels healthier.

The whole lightness sensation is really weird. Jd is experiencing it too. She says she's not sure she likes it but that's probably because she's so light to begin with, she probably thinks she's going to float away like a balloon. I weigh at least 20 pounds more than her though so for me it feels cool. Kind of like I'm hanging out on the moon or something. My cleanse is having an affect on the earth's gravity.

Yesterday I didn't eat lunch, just snacked on some raw nuts.

Sugar fantasies continue. Pancakes with warm maple syrup are big right now. And pupcakes (that's what the little girl JD babysits calls cupcakes). Mmmmmm pupcakes!!

For dinner JD and I ate:
-cauliflower and red beans in a garlic jalapeno sauce (I'm trying to be creative here, people)
-baked turbo fish
-steamed greens with olive oil and lemon

Our treat was chips with some sugar-free salsa and a protein shake with soy milk.

Today I'm going into Santa Fe (seems I only journey to civilization once or twice a week) and getting more straw bales. When the straw is laid out it's really pretty, all golden colored and soft. It keeps the mud under control when it rains and it's cheaper (and prettier) than gravel.

Here's a picture from the "kitty play" series I posted yesterday on flickr. Isn't Abbey Tomato fierce??
Photo upload by sailor ripley.

 

I am not listless. Just hungry.

This morning I began Day 4 of cleanse.

Breakfast:
-coffee
-2 fried eggs over medium (No, I can't have dairy but I am told by an authority that eggs "don't count")
-quinoa
-black beans with green chile

After I ate I felt:
Hungry

This feeling made me wonder:
Why am I hungry? I just had a big breakfast.

Things I did after eating:

- 3 sets of dumbbell curls  (I once knew a girl with some of those)
- Ironed an iron-on patch to fix the big tear in the ass of my favorite slacker pants
- Cruised Flickr for oh about 2 hours (!) looking mainly at Lomo Holga sites
             (found an amazing b+w group and a neat Lomo freak)
- Ordered 5 rolls of medium format 120 color film and 5 rolls of b+w (all of varying ISOs)

Things I am excited about:

- der Holga
- Building our wedding website (from a template--no sweat, just fun)
- Doing cool stuff with Poloraid transfers (um, just need to get a Polaroid or Polaroid back)
- Soft serve on Sunday
- Practicing on my new guitar purchased just days ago from the best store in town, Good Will

Day 3

Breakfast: coffee and egg/veggie/soyrizo scramble
Lunch: not really
Snacks: cashews, hummus and veggies, a few corn chips
Dinner: salad with quinoa and tofu
Treat: diet coke (YUM!)

Sugar, sugar, sugar. Honey in my coffee, a swig of lemonade,  some dried cranberries, pancakes. I'm being good though. It seemed kind of weird to have a Diet Coke when I'm on a "cleanse" but it doesn't have sugar and no one said anything about not having synthetic chemicals like Splenda. It was so good. With ice in a big blue plastic cup. Mmmmmmm.

Today we took our trash to the dump in Pecos (no garbage men out here). Pecos is small: two gas stations, a general store that has more fishing supplies than food, a church or three, one school k-12, a couple of bad restaurants and a DAIRY QUEEN. We passed the Dairy Queen and my immediate thought was to stop on the way back for ice cream.
Then I remembered.
Then the fantasy began. It was romantic. Like a poem.

large soft serve
swirly
soft white
creamy
sweet yummer
double dipper
the perfect fudgey shell
All atop a sugar cone.

I told jd about my DQ fantasy and then had a wild idea. "We should come here the minute we're done with our cleanse and celebrate with ice cream!"
"We might not want to," says jd. "We might not want all that sugar."
This seemed highly--HIGHLY--unlikely to me but who knows. Maybe my sugar craving is at its peak today and it will be all downhill from here. Maybe by Sunday I'll look at the pint of Rocky Road in the freezer and wriggle my lip in yuck. Maybe sugar will be nothing but a New Mexico cloud disappearing into the horizon. Goodbye sugar cloud! I will wave to it and pop some boiled chickpeas in my mouth.

7 Day Cleanse

I'm on day 2.

JD says it's basically a candida diet. No sugar (including fruit!), no wheat and no dairy. Damn Gina--that's all I eat! Ok, well I do eat a lot of veggies but, man, this is kinda crazy. Seems like everyone I know has done (or regularly does) a fast or cleanse or has given up sugar for a month or whatever but I, me, this person here, is not one to to go without when it comes to food. I love food, relish it, love it with relish. And now here I sit, hungry as hell.

But honestly,
it's not that bad. And there is a specific purpose behind it. When I'm hungry (read: need sugar) it's like someone shot me in the ass with a Royal Bitch Gun. I get mean, I get nasty and anyone who is near and knows me begins searching desperately for something edible to stuff in my mouth. After about 5 minutes of Extreme Asshole Mode I drop down into a Comatose Victim Mode which has to be better for those around me but is still not so good for me. I'm trapped in my head unable to think coherently, unable to comprehend that I need a burrito, a swig of orange juice, half a Lifesaver. Anything. So this whole fast thing is supposed to even out my sugar cravings. No more getting shot with the Royal Bitch Gun. My moods will be more even kiltered. Or as JD puts it, I will no longer "go from zero to grump in 2.5 seconds."

So what am I eating?

Yesterday - Day 1
breakfast: coffee, eggs, beans and avocado. Yum.
lunch: raw cashews, veggies and hummus
dinner: artichokes, big salad with tofu
dessert: chocolate detox tea with stevia. :(

Today - Day 2
breakfast: coffee, egg scramble with veggies, protein shake with unsweetened soy milk
lunch: tuna with olive oil, lemon and lettuce
dinner: soyrizo mixed with cooked mushrooms, broccoli, onions and carrots atop quinoa
dessert: ice cream raw cashews

The one "bad" thing I'm still putting in my body is coffee with a dab of half and half (no honey). So far I haven't been tempted to cheat although I have caught myself fantasizing about food during times I usually fantasize about sex. Yesterday my fantasy consisted of a huge piece of grocery store birthday cake chilled. Later I imagined putting a huge piece of dark chocolate in my mouth. A piece so big it made my cheeks bulge and little rivulets of chocolaty spittle run down the corners of my mouth.
Today's fantasy? A piece of bread.

Five more days to go. I'm more in my body than I am in the habit of being. It's kinda cool, kinda weird. Definitely interesting. The food I can eat is starting to taste different, the flavors are stronger. Everything is sweeter.

Yellow peppers is pure candy. Mmmmmmm.

I will continue documenting...

Go California with your gay marriage.

In New Mexico we're still fighting for basic domestic partnership rights. A friend sent me this yesterday:

gaymarriageworld

Wilco. Yes.


Photo upload by sailor ripley.

Thursday L Lee came to visit us from San Francisco. Now that we're living on the ranch and have a guest room, putting people up isn't so awkward. L Lee came to visit and she also came with front-row-&-center tickets to Wilco which she scored off eBay. They played in Albuquerque on Friday night. I hadn't seen the whole band play before, just Jeff playing solo in San Francisco (L Lee was with me then, too.) Anyway, they were f*cking amazing. At one point I was so close to Nels I could almost touch his boot. He was a maniac up there kicking his daddy long legs all over the place in bright red high-water pants and combat boots. Jeff, the brokenhearted, was beautiful again. Sneering, crooning, crooked smiling.

It was L Lee's 30th time seeing them. She said the show was one of the best she'd witnessed.

Wilco seemed to like the crowd. We definitely liked them. When they came out for a second encore, they played for at least another half hour. They were rocking out big time and so were we. I remember thinking to myself, wow, I'm right here in front of one of the best rock bands ever in history. Here's another pic:

jeff dark

You can see more pictures L Lee and I took here.

Maybe the sun will shine today
The clouds will blow away
Maybe I won’t feel so afraid
I will try to understand
Either way

-Wilco, Sky Blue Sky, Either Way

Christ on a mudderfruggin cracker

my mother is driving me c-r-a-z-y.
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